1:24 Why We Stop Dreaming and Three Steps to Dreaming Bigger
21:17 Pursuing Your Wildest Dreams With Bob Goff
48:47 Encouragement to Remember that God is a Personal God
Business Boutique Conference
The Business Boutique Conference is coming back to Nashville Oct. 24–26. If you want to learn how to grow your business and chase your dream, you don’t want to miss this event. To save $10 on any Business Boutique Conference ticket, use the code BBWRIGHT.
2020 Business Boutique Goal Planner
The NEW Business Boutique Goal Planner is almost here! join the waitlist today by texting BBPLANNER to 33444.
If you have a success story you would like to share with the Business Boutique community, email me at podcast@businessboutique.com.
New podcast episodes are available every other week.
She was beautiful, independent, drove an amazing car, and had a Rottweiler who went everywhere with her. But the coolest thing about her was that she lived on a farm by herself. She had horses, chickens, pigs, goats and everything that went along with the ideal farm life I fantasized about.
To me, her life looked like the greatest life ever. I would often look at her and think, That’s who I want to be. That’s the kind of life I want to have.
Well, fast-forward a few years to my early 20s when I was working 80 hours a week at a nonprofit. I was looking to downsize from a three-bedroom apartment with roommates to a one-bedroom apartment where I could live on my own. During my search, I came across an ad in the newspaper for a 40-acre farm for rent just two miles from my job—not exactly downsizing, but gasp!
I immediately picked up the phone and called the number on the ad.
It was perfect for me.
Okay, so I couldn’t afford the rent they were asking for, I had no idea how to run a farm, and I was working insane hours at my day job. So, if we’re being completely honest, it didn’t make any sense at all—everything about it was impractical.
But, y’all! It was my dream to live on a farm, so you better believe I wasn’t going to let “practical” stop me from pursuing it.
Related: Ep 60: How to Face Your Fears and Do It Scared
The next day, I went to visit the farm in person. Once I left, I scrounged up enough money for the deposit and moved in a few days later. At 23, I was living my farm dream. Sure, I had to start a side business boarding horses in the empty stalls so I could afford the rent, but I couldn’t have been happier.
Looking back on that experience, I could’ve easily missed out on living out that dream. Because the dream wasn’t happening on the time line I thought it would happen on (like in my 50s when I’d have more money, a spouse and kids), it would’ve been easy to convince myself that it wasn’t the right time.
But you know what? More often than not, dreams aren’t practical, and they certainly don’t always come to life in practical ways. Thinking practically is just one of the many reasons our dreams get smaller and smaller as we get older.
It’s so easy to dream when you’re little, isn’t it? You believe you can do anything, be anyone, and accomplish all the big dreams in your heart. But at some point, life—and other people—gets to you. You get bogged down by people telling you to do more practical things that have a guaranteed path to success.
So your dreams slowly start to fade into the background.
Related: Ep 74: Find Your True Self and Get Back to You
And if you do dream, you play it safe. You keep your dreams small and doable so you can control and contain them. You also convince yourself that dreaming any bigger is selfish when so many people (your kids, your husband, your church, etc.) are counting on you.
Does that “logic” sound familiar?
So often, we women believe our heart’s desires are selfish. When the reality is, God is the one who placed that dream in you to begin with. He never called you to live a small life, and He certainly never called you to stop dreaming.
I know that dreaming is hard. You feel vulnerable (because what if it doesn’t work?), silly (because what will other people think?) and even a little scared (because what kind of changes will this dream bring?).
But I want you to do it anyway. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since you’ve stopped dreaming—it’s never too late to start dreaming again.
I want you to dream so big that if God’s not in it, you’ll fail. Dream so big that you can’t see the path forward—so big that you need God to show up and perform a miracle to make it happen.
Friend, this is possible. Dreaming again will feel weird at first, but I believe it’s a practice—not a onetime thing. If you need to get back to dreaming big for your life, I’ve got three steps to help. When you practice these three steps, little by little you’ll see your dreams—and the real you—come back to life.
Dreaming again starts with owning what you want out of life.
Honestly ask yourself, What do I want for my:
What do you want?
Your answers to these questions are your hopes and dreams. And when you acknowledge your dreams, you give yourself permission to desire those things. Because, friend, you are allowed to want more!
Related: Ep 78: How to Be Successful at Anything by Starting Small
So many of us spend our lives trying to convince ourselves and others that we’re fine with how things currently are—that we don’t want more for our lives. But I’m here to tell you that life is about more than Legos and laundry. It’s okay to desire something more! God wants you to live an abundant life, and He’s prepared to “give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4 NIV).
Your dreams matter. Acknowledge and own what you want, and then trust God to provide it.
I know. This is scary!
But do you know why saying your dream out loud to someone is scary? Because it makes the dream real.
When you say your dream out loud, you take the dream out of the battlefield of your mind, where the voices of fear and doubt attack. Only then, do you bring your dream into the real world, where it can take on a life of its own.
On top of that, when you tell people you love and trust about a new dream, you have accountability to work toward it, and your loved ones will rally around you to help make it happen.
Related: Say It Out Loud This Year
You’ll hear things from them like:
“I have several friends in a running group. You could meet up with them to train for your first 5K!”
“A guy at my church does graphic design. I’m sure he’d help you with your logo and website!”
“Oh, my cousin works in real estate. He can help you get your house on the market!”
As silly as it sounds and as vulnerable as it feels, a dream takes on so much power when you say it out loud.
Writing down your dreams is another level of accountability to yourself. The action turns your dreams into goals and your goals into a plan. You go from being a dreamer to being a doer.
No longer is your dream just a conversation you had with a friend that you might forget about. Instead, you’ve now painted a clear picture for yourself of what you need to do to make that dream a reality.
Your heart’s desires are not bad things or selfish things—they are God things. That’s why I want you to own your dreams, say them out loud, and write them down on paper.
And I also want you to get your hopes up, sister, because our God is the God of hope. He will make a way for you and all those big dreams in your heart.
I’m so excited about my guest today!
Bob Goff is a New York Times bestselling author, speaker and the host of the Dream Big podcast. If you’ve read his book Love Does, then you know about his crazy determination to not only dream big, but also find ways to bring those dreams to life.
On today’s episode, Bob and I talk about:
One of the things I’ve noticed in my walk as a believer is that so often we want formulas for our faith. We want a road map that we can reference for how God is going to help us through whatever situation we’re going through. But God doesn’t always do things that way.
God does not work in formulas. He’s not going to treat you and your situation the same way He would treat it for your friend, neighbor or coworker. Even if you’re both going through a similar situation, you likely won’t experience the same journey or results.
Why is that? Does God take someone a different route because He sees something they don’t—or because He likes them more than He likes you?
Years ago, I asked my mentor Eve why she thinks there are so many denominations within Christianity. My question was: How could we all love the same God but have different ideas around how to love Him?
Our conversation went a little something like this:
Eve: “Christy, look at Scripture. When Jesus healed the blind, how did He do it?
Me: “Well, a lot of different ways. One time he used water, another time He used mud, and another time He just spoke it.”
Eve: “Exactly. He had a lot of different methods to get to the same result.”
When we have a certain experience with God, we tend to get together with other people who have had that same experience, and collectively we think our way is the right way. So those who were healed by mud got together with others who were healed by mud, and they believed God always heals with mud. And those who were healed by spit got together with others who were healed by spit, and they believed God always heals with spit, and so on.
Don’t we also do that in life? We see our way of doing things and think it’s the only way or the right way. We think, If God did something in my life, then that must be the way He will always work. So our way becomes the rule for everyone else. We think, This must be the way you worship. This is the way you hear from God. This is how you practice obedience.
But you know what? God is not only bigger than the box we try to put Him in—He’s also much more personal than that.
God will take people down different paths that lead to the same destination: restoration. It’s easy for us to pass judgement on someone who is going in a different direction than the way we went. But what we don’t realize is, God is taking them that way on purpose.
Your relationship with Him is personal, so your path with Him will be personal.
So, if you’re seeing a friend, coworker or neighbor going down a different path or handling a situation differently than you would, don’t be discouraged. It doesn’t mean God has forgotten about you. It doesn’t mean He doesn’t have good plans for you. And it certainly doesn’t mean your friend is “doing it wrong.” It might just mean that God is using a personal approach with them, and He’ll do the same for you.
1:25 Three Reasons You Might Not Be Accepting Personal Responsibility
19:39 The Importance of Personal Responsibility with Rachel Hollis
33:12 Encouragement to Choose Could Over Should
Business Boutique Conference
The Business Boutique Conference is coming back to Nashville Oct. 24–26. If you want to learn how to grow your business and chase your dream, you don’t want to miss this event. To save $10 on any Business Boutique Conference ticket, use the code BBWRIGHT.
2020 Business Boutique Goal Planner
The NEW Business Boutique Goal Planner is almost here! join the waitlist today by texting BBPLANNER to 33444.
If you have a success story you would like to share with the Business Boutique community, email me at podcast@businessboutique.com.
New podcast episodes are available every other week.
But let’s be real: So often we feel like we actually don’t have any control at all.
We feel like we’re tossed left and right by the seasons of life and the people in our life.
You know what, though? We actually have more control than we think we do.
Your situation right now might be really hard—maybe it’s harder than anything you or I have ever been through. But here’s the great news: That’s not your only story, and it’s certainly not the end of your story.
If you’ve ever seen the hit ABC show Shark Tank, you know the story of how Daymond John built his clothing company, FUBU, from nothing.
Daymond was raised by a single mother. When he was 10, he started working to help his mom make ends meet. The hip-hop movement inspired him to start a clothing line, so he started sewing sweat shirts and hats in his mother’s living room. (By the way, when he first officially launched his clothing company, he was still working as a server at Red Lobster!)
Today, FUBU has brought in more than six billion dollars in global sales.1
Let’s look at one more example: Sara Blakely, founder of Spanx. (Who else is grateful for this shapewear brand?)
Nobody handed Sara her fame and fortune on a silver platter. In fact, she failed the LSAT twice, worked as a chipmunk character at Disney World, and even spent seven years selling fax machines door to door before she ever started working on her idea for Spanx. When she pitched the idea for Spanx, she was met with rejection after rejection, until finally she convinced one manufacturing company to produce her product.
Today, Sara is one of America’s richest self-made women.2
Do you know what stories like those reveal to me? We often fall into the trap of believing our situation is impossible to climb out of. Meanwhile, others—like Daymond and Sara—are refusing to be defined by their circumstances. Instead, they’re taking control of their lives and changing the outcome.
Related: Ep 70: How to Be Content in Every Situation
The truth is, you have control in the good and the bad times. The way you view your life—and your belief about the amount of control you have—will have a major impact on how your life turns out, whether you reach your goals, and how your story unfolds.
Your ability to take control of your life is connected to the amount of personal responsibility you’re willing to take. It’s also connected to the amount of determination you choose to have in your life. The important thing to note here is that taking personal responsibility for your life is more dependent on you, your choices, your beliefs and your actions than anything else going on around you.
Whatever your situation, I know it’s real. I’m not discounting what you’re going through—I know your situation is a factor in your ability to be successful. But I also believe your circumstances should not define you. Because there is a person who can change circumstances, who can fix broken things, and who can choose something different—and that person is you.
That’s why today, I want to talk about three major reasons we often feel like we’re not in control of our lives.
There are three different obstacles I’ve faced in my life—and seen other women face in theirs—that could have easily led me to believe I didn’t have the ability to control my destiny. Let’s walk through each and talk about how we can overcome them moving forward.
A victim mentality is all about your beliefs. You don’t believe you have any control of your situation, so you sit back, wait and pout. You have a pity party, and you invite everyone else to join.
When you have a victim mentality, it’s always someone else’s fault that you can’t have what you want, do what you want, or be who you want to be. It’s never your fault.
This victim mentality is really common and can come from many outside sources, like teachers, parents or the culture around you. But you’re not born with the idea that you’re not in control of your life—this belief is learned.
That’s why I want to encourage you to change your attitude. Because guess what? Your belief system is just that—it’s yours. You get to choose what you believe.
If you start looking for examples of optimism, perseverance, persistence and determination, I’m willing to bet you’ll find them—because they’re out there.
No one is going to change your attitude for you—you have to do it. You can choose to believe something better than what you were raised to believe. You can choose to believe something different than what you’re surrounded by every day. You can choose to change your attitude and take control of your life.
As women, we’re experts when it comes to running ourselves ragged. We go nonstop, 24 hours a day. We do whatever it takes to be a great mom, wife, business owner, church member, and then some.
And because we’re doing all the things, we’re constantly tired.
That reminds me of a really challenging season I went through in the fall of 2017. I was still adjusting to being a mom of two while launching my new book and traveling a ton for speaking engagements.
I remember coming home one day and telling my husband, “I don’t know why I do this. I don’t have to do this.” And I’ll never forget what my husband said in response: “Yes, you do know why you do this. You know about the lives that are being changed and how God is using you. You’re just tired.”
There was such wisdom in his words—he was spot on. The reality is, I love my work! But in that moment, I didn’t feel in control because I was so tired. I was moving nonstop and feeling like a passive participant in my life. All along, there was one simple solution: rest.
Related: Ep 76: Practice Self-Care and Give Yourself Grace
So, if you’re just feeling discouraged, it doesn’t mean you’re not in control of your life. You might just be tired. You can fix that by going back to your why and getting some well-deserved rest.
This is one of the hardest obstacles to face because it’s often disguised by holiness.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a woman tell me she was not taking action on something because she was waiting on God. And you know how I always respond? I tell them, “God can steer a moving vehicle. He cannot steer a stalled car.”
If you’re praying and asking God to direct you, as you’re walking, He will direct you.
Instead of waiting for a lightning bolt from the sky or for an angel to appear in your living room, why don’t you get up and do something? Sometimes we sit around under this banner of holiness while waiting our life away for God to show up. All the while, God is there telling you to get moving! He’s attracted to activity. He will show you the next step after you take the first step.
Related: Ep 72: Push Forward and Get Unstuck
This doesn’t mean you abandon God and move ahead of His plans. But God does give us free will and calls us all to take personal responsibility for our lives—we are stewards, after all.
If you look at the parable of the talents in the Bible (Matthew 25:14–30), you read that God honors active participants in this life, not passive ones. So get moving, sister!
What brave step—or even baby step—of faith can you take today? What knowledge do you already have that can inform your decisions today? Stop procrastinating! There is certainly wisdom in waiting sometimes, but don’t use waiting as an excuse to do nothing.
We are partners with God in this life on Earth, and you have more control than you think you do. I don’t know which one of these obstacles you struggle with the most—maybe it’s a combination of all three like it has been for me—but I hope this message encourages you.
It’s just like my friend Christine Cain says, “I’m living proof that you can start bad and finish good.”
I’m so excited to have my good friend Rachel Hollis on the show today! She’s a #1 New York Times bestselling author, a motivational speaker, the host of the Rise and Rise Together podcasts, and the founder and CCO of The Hollis Company.
On this episode, Rachel and I talk about:
“I should do that…”
All day long, I tell myself about all the things I should be doing. But you know what I realized recently? Almost all my should’s started as could’s.
My ideas begin as creative, fun, exciting dreams—like I could make handmade invitations for Carter’s birthday party, or I could get these party favors and decorations. But once the could’s make it onto my to-do list, they instantly become should’s.
Before I know it, it’s been weeks or months, and I’m still holding my feet to the fire of this long list of should’s. There I stand with a list of 75 things I now feel like I have to do. They’re no longer optional. They’re no longer creative options that could be fun. They become laws that I now have to follow. When in actuality, I came up with that list. That list started as an idea in my head, and no one is holding me to that list but me.
And yet we do this to ourselves all the time, don’t we? The high expectations start and end with us. When, in reality, other than paying taxes and feeding your family, there are very few things in life you have to do.
Related: 3 Quick Steps to Reduce Stress
You don’t have to go all out for your child’s party! Did you know that? You don’t have to, but you tell yourself all day, every day, that you do. The words we use are exhausting—they’re words of bondage.
I just want to remind you: The person in control of your life, your to-do list, your tasks and your responsibilities is you. You get a choice in what you do and what you don’t do. You get to choose what is a could and what is a should.
Maybe it’s as simple as changing your words. Instead of telling yourself all day long that you should do something, what if you just changed it back to could?
A could gives you options. A should has burden tied to it.